Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
