Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Let the clothes fall where they may.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
