Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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