I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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