break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
