tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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