man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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