Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
