where am i from again
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
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