i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
