I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
