Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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