Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
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Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
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I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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