Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
