Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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