My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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