really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
