i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
