____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Say something about gay babies.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
