WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
