sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
