You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
