I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Drunk is not a location!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
