Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
