Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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