bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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