i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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