Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
