someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
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I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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