I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
