Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
