the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
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