do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i wish my penis had a tongue
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
