Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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