you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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