he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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