Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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