found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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