Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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