I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
