i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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