I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
zippers are such a cool invention
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
