So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
