i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
