dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
