HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
