i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
