I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
