And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
How does it feel to date your dad?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
