theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
