just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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