Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
