Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
what day is it and did you see me today?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
