Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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