you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
