where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
