yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just pee around me
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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