Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
