Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Holy sore nipples Batman
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Randomize
