i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
