How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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