it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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