I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
